Program supports families dealing with grief

With the inevitability of death, comes grief as survivors deal with the loss of a loved one. A support group at Shippensburg University is helping grieving individuals during those difficult times.

The university, in conjunction with The Drew Michael Taylor Foundation, is involved in Drew's Hope, a grief support group, that involves volunteers from the university's graduate program in counseling as well as the university's Growing Edges Community Counseling Clinic.

The group provides support for children, teens and adults with sessions on Tuesday nights through April 7. Sessions, in the Cora I. Grove Spiritual Center adjacent to campus, build on the success of the community counseling clinic as well as a class on grief and loss taught last semester by Dr. Shirley Hess, associate professor of counseling and college student personnel.

According to Hess, the 17 students studied grief and loss in class and then facilitated the groups. Last semester, they worked with a children's group, a teen group and two adult groups. Part of the classroom work involved learning to deal with their own losses and being able to apply their classroom work in the group settings.

"We had a couple of classes before the groups began so we did some initial work on what is 'normal' grieving, typical things that someone who is grieving would go through," Hess said. " For instance in one of the groups, we had a child who was laughing a lot at the other participants which was making them kind of feel uncomfortable. It was his way of coping. We talked about that and we decided we would do a one-to-one match up in the child group so each child would have one facilitator they were working with and then they could come together to do some group things. That really helped a lot to be able to process that and pay attention to that."

Hess noted that these are support groups, not therapy groups. "With a support group, the leaders are there just to facilitate the discussion that's going among the group. It's about giving the group members space to talk about what they're experiencing and to hear that somebody else is in the group going through the same thing."

Counseling student Jennifer Young had done an internship with Hospice of Carlisle so she knew that many of those who suffer a loss have no idea who to turn to because in our society most people have a tendency to pull away and just not deal with it. "Personally, it's a little difficult to sit with someone who is so sad and yet at the same time it gave them a sense that there is someone actually listening and to be there with someone," she said. "I learned that one of the best things that we can offer to someone who is grieving is to listen and to be supportive and, if you cannot necessarily say things to them, just be an ear for them."

Sue (not her real name) had already suffered the heartbreaking loss all parents dread - the death of a child when her then 11-year-old daughter died. Eleven years later, she again suffered a loss when her 76-year-old father died suddenly. This time it was her 17-year-old daughter, Alley (not her real name), who expressed a need for additional support. "Alley and her grandfather were very close and she felt that loss pretty keenly," said Sue.

Before Drew's Hope there was no support group in the area geared toward all members of a family. For Sue and Alley, Drew's Hope provided them with support and gave them a chance to bond and grow together.

The adults could choose either a group for parents who had lost children or one for adults dealing with any type of loss. Sue, because she experienced both, opted for the second group. "It was good for me, because even though I had dealt with grief issues before it's a totally different loss. This gave me the chance to really concentrate on acknowledging the loss of my father."

The teen group Alley participated in provided support mostly through activities. "There was a memory box that we made that we could put in different things like pictures of that person or things that they liked or cards that they sent to you," said Alley. "The activities have helped me."

Sue was touched by the progress her daughter made. "It might have been the second time we met and she said, 'Last night was the first night that I didn't cry,' and to me that was so meaningful." While grieving doesn't have a definitive end point, Drew's Hope helped Sue and Alley through a very difficult time in their lives. "This is a significant loss to me and just acknowledging, or having a place to acknowledge that, and being with other people who are experiencing something similar is really helpful."

According to Sue, "I thought there was a nice balance of information and time of sharing as well, and they made people feel very comfortable in sharing. It was a very positive experience for the both of us."